Beginning again.

I'm beginning to realize how much my actions, tone, and attitude are Lincoln's main behavioral example.  You'd think this would be obvious, but when these tiny copy-cats are woven into his behavior day by day, it's more difficult to notice than when Lincoln copies something out of the ordinary.  Duh, right?

Here's the brick that gave me a nosebleed a few days ago: I had a horrible stomach ache, so horrible I could hardly walk (immense amount of iron in Prenatals + no nursing = extreme pain).  Later, I saw Lincoln doing a squat-walk, looking very similar to a sumo wrestler, but he was holding his stomach and grimacing.  I wondered if it was something we ate?  After a second he jumped up and ran around normally... and I realized he was copying me.

Two things hit me: first of all, I need to suck it up when I'm sick because honestly, who wants to look like a constipated sumo wrestler?  And secondly (possibly most importantly), how incredibly important it is to enjoy the moment, to not worry about "the mess," or ever trade a bug hunt for a few minutes to myself.  To have a good attitude.  To be happy.  With a toddler, I personally don't think it's possible to be happy and have a perfectly clean house/fully get ready every day.

There is definitely a balance, but I'm realizing more and more that if I want to set a good behavioral example, I have to be happy.  And if I want to be happy, I can't worry about the silly things (that will still be there tomorrow) that so often distract me from enjoying time with Lincoln.  Because tomorrow Lincoln is a little older, and soon I'm looking back on a year, wondering where the time went so quickly.  The line from Hook always comes to mind: "we have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around.  After that you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention.  It's so fast...it's a few years, then it's over."

I'm beginning to realize that these moments are few, that I cannot push rewind.  I'm beginning to re-learn life's viewpoint, trying to have messy, curious, exciting fun again.  And isn't it ridiculous that we, as adults, have to try and have carefree fun?  I'm beginning to think so...and the grocery shopping may or may not be done, and I might not have showered in three days (okay, four...unless "Irish showers" with a debatable over-dousing of Chanel Au Fraiche count), but Lincoln is one happy kid lately!

p.s. I know you can't tell my hormones have gone haywire from the "no mas nursing" shift I'm going through, so I thought I'd let you know I won't be spilling my emotions for that much longer (pray for me).